And how is it that SHE is old enough? When I started this blog she was thirteen, so I gave her the name ET for Evil Teenager. Now she’s 23 (!) and no longer a teenager at all. (But still evil? Yes, if you ask her siblings.)
Anyways, last weekend the whole family went to a nature park in rural Alabama and watched her get married.
Everything went pretty well, I think. The weather was nice, but we were holding the ceremony inside a building anyways. Park or no park, I think we’d have to be completely crazy to hold an outdoor wedding in December.
And ET had plenty of built-in bridesmaids, since she has so many sisters.
I don’t have anything funny to say about the wedding, which is definitely a good thing. Nobody wants their daughter’s wedding to be funny. Not even me.
So instead, here’s a few of my favorite past stories about ET for your entertainment:
I bought those special sneaker laces from an ad that promised my kids would never have to tie their shoes again! (My kids broke them in less than a week.)
I bought a snazzy gift-wrap paper cutting tool that said it would both organize my Christmas paper and streamline the wrapping process! (It didn’t fit any of my actual rolls of paper.)
None of these things quite worked out as advertised, as you can see, but I remain a sucker. Hope springs eternal, after all. I read the ads and think to myself, Maybe THIS particular plastic item shipped from a sweatshop in Asia really WILL make me prettier/ happier/more organized. Maybe I really SHOULD buy the pee-proof underwear they keep showing me, and reminding me that it’s great for women of my age.
Yeah, maybe not.
But some of the stuff wish.com advertises really has me baffled. I can’t imagine why anyone would order these things.
In what universe would anyone wear this? Even young Julia Roberts in full Pretty Woman gear wore the same trashy stockings on BOTH LEGS.
What on EARTH could these be for? I don’t think they would fit in my actual mouth and operate as tooth substitutes. And even if they could, why would I need FOUR SETS AT A TIME? This baffles me.
And, finally… #3:
What IS this?!?! What is it FOR? I can’t even.
So, thanks to wish.com, but no thanks. I’ll pass.
Although, I’m still thinking about that pee-proof underwear….
Every time I get in my car, my phone likes to tell me how close I am to my house.
I’m not sure why does this. I’m at the grocery store and I get in my car and look at the phone screen and it says helpfully, “12 minutes to get home; take Washington Road.”
Yeah I’m aware. I drove here myself. From my house. Less than an hour ago.
My 16-year-old daughter Boo has just started driving herself to school. She says her phone has decided that the high school is called “work.” And when she gets in her car in the morning, her phone says helpfully, “Would you like directions to work?”
No, I’m pretty clear on how to get there. I go there every day.
Honestly, I think my phone is just showing off at this point. It just wants me to know exactly how much it knows about me.
It’s got a slightly creepy vibe, like that old song by The Police.
My phone just wants to say, “I know where you live. I know where you work. I know where you are at all times.