Yesterday I tried to dress up

On Sunday I decided to try to really look nice for church.

I usually wear a skirt to church, out of tradition, but there’s the ever-present problem of my legs. Normally skirts are designed to showcase pretty legs, but those are not the kind of legs I have. My legs are not only shaped like chubby tree trunks, but they are also very white.

As in, they are so white that my bare legs could blind a person if they caught the sunlight just right. This is especially true in the winter, although they are only marginally better in summer.

The solution, of course, is to somehow cover the offending area. I truly hate pantyhose, so usually I try to wear leggings with skirts, or wear skirts long enough that only my ankles will show.

But I do have some really nice shorter dresses that I’d like to wear, and I decided that Sunday was the day.

I got my pretty dress out of the closet, a black floral number with a cute keyhole cutout at the neckline. I put on the dreaded pantyhose, and for good measure I added the–ahem–foundational garments that make me look slimmer.

I was looking pretty good, I thought.

Except that I could not bend over. And sitting down was uncomfortable. And I did not DARE drink anything all morning, because going to the bathroom was seriously out of the question.

But hey. Beauty is pain, right?

My plan was to wear this outfit just for church and then immediately change into something else afterwards. I figured I could even hang the dress back up without having to put it in the laundry.

But… we went out to lunch after church. And I had the pasta.

You can guess what happened. Pasta on the the dress.

And one errant noodle lost completely down the cute keyhole cutout at the neckline.

You can dress me up, but you can’t take me out!

Tik Tok Dump Cake

My oldest daughter, age 24. called me from her apartment and asked what I was doing.

“I’m making a dump cake from a recipe I saw on Tik Tok,” I said.

She paused. “I have a lot of problems with that sentence, Mom. For one thing, DUMP CAKE?! And remember, we’ve talked about how parents aren’t supposed to get on apps like Tik Tok or Snapchat. You guys already ruined Facebook.”

I don’t deny the truth of any of this. Facebook has become decidedly uncool. I like it that way.

I told her about this Tik Tok video that came up on my Certified Uncool Facebook. “DON’T MIX IT!”

“So I’m just dumping in a bunch of ingredients and then not mixing them, ” I explained.

“That sounds really suspicious, Mom,” she said.

I layered: Crushed graham crackers, Cream cheese, Cherry Pie filling, White cake mix, and 1 1/2 stick of butter (sliced thin).

(“I really think you should mix it,” my daughter said. “But the recipe said not to, ” I countered.)

You bake it at 350 for 45 minutes.

It came out okay, but it didn’t taste as good as it had looked in the video.

Oh well. I’m off to wreck Snapchat for everyone now….

I got new shoes…

...and they are ugly.

My friends were telling me about these super comfortable shoes called “oofoos,” which honestly sounded made-up to me. I looked them up (Surprise! They are real!) and decided to try a pair.

I have to tell you, these are the most comfortable shoes I’ve ever tried on.

And they are SO ugly!

But, luckily, I am at that stage of life where comfort is much more important than beauty.

That stage is called “I’m An Old Lady Now.”

Happy New Year 2021

On the first Sunday morning of the new year, I was going to church with my family.

Right away we seemed to run into trouble. When we got there, the church building was shuttered and the parking lot empty. Apparently, the service was online only that day. You know, because of COVID.

So we put plan B into action: Let’s go out to lunch together!

Unfortunately, due to a Emergency General Order issued by the command of our local Army post, my husband (as an active duty soldier) is not allowed to eat inside restaurants. You know, because of COVID.

He can, however, eat on a patio, if the restaurant offers uncovered outdoor seating.

Which is how we ended up sitting next to a busy road outside the local pizza joint today, freezing to death.

Because, OF COURSE, no one had brought a jacket to church. Except my husband. Who, as an Eagle Scout, is ALWAYS prepared.

Anyways, so we enjoyed a lovely lunch al fresco.

In January.

You know, because of COVID.

Happy New Year, everyone!

I guess I’m a kitten’s grandma

So, it’s been a year since my oldest daughter ET got married.

Click for more information on that: (

She and her husband decided to go on a trip for their anniversary, and she asked me to come and babysit her kitten, Jellybean.

She’s six months old and pretty cute.

I figured this sounded like a pretty easy gig: I sit around the apartment for a few days, read and watch TV, and feed the cat occasionally.

But then I arrived and saw the LIST of instructions she had left about caring for the kitten.

It was a full page long. No lie.

Anyways, Jellybean was perfectly fine when ET came back. But then after I got home, I received a phone call.

  • ET: Mom, on the list I specifically said not to let Jellybean mess with the Christmas tree.
  • Me: Yeah…
  • ET: So, I can see that she made a NEST in the tree where she’s been sitting.
  • Me: But she LIKES the tree.
  • ET: It was on the LIST, Mom.
  • Me: She just kept going in there. And I didn’t want to spray her with the water.
  • ET: Mom. Seriously?

But hey, the cat was alive when she came back, right? And when I babysit, it’s Grandma Rules!

An Extra Dramatic Discussion About Towels

Little Girl (aged 12) came into the kitchen to find a stack of newly-folded (by me) towels on the counter. She was indignant.

  • Her: WHY are you HOLDING the towels HERE?
  • Me: What?
  • Her: There’s only ONE towel in the BATHROOM and it’s DIRTY! And that’s because all the towels are HERE!
  • Me: Okay. Well, this stack of towels has just been folded, and they are ready to take to the bathroom. So, do you want to take them?
  • Her: NO!

On that exit line she swept grandly from the room.

And THAT’S why the towels are here.

These kids had better be going back to school soon

So after the three-plus-months-long homeschool experiment of last school year, I’ve been looking forward to having my kids go back to school IN PERSON.

They have given us as parents the option of using a “learn-from-home” model, which of course translates to “you-deal-with-your-own-kid-while-we-force-our-teachers-to-work-with-you-online.”

No thank you. That sounds like a nightmare for me AND the teachers.

Well, it’s August, and my kids will be starting school back in person, BUT… They will only be able to go every other day.

How do they decide who goes when? Well… Kids with last names beginning with A-K are in Group A; kids with last names beginning with L-Z are in Group B.

Group A will attend Mondays, Wednesday, and Friday of one week, and then Tuesday and Thursday of the next week. Group B will attend Tuesday and Thursday of one week, and then Monday, Wednesday and Friday of the next week.

Until there’s a holiday that messes things up.

Yeah. This ought to go smoothly….