Why is my phone so proud of itself?

I plug my phone in at night near my bed, and usually it’s been on low power mode by the evening since it’s been used all day.

Then when gets up to 80% charge, it lights up excitedly, bragging about how CHARGED UP it is.

Usually this is around midnight, which is when you definitely don’t want to be woken up by flashing lights next to your face!

But there it sits on my nightstand, having a little solo iPhone party about how it’s FULLY CHARGED!

I don’t know why it’s so impressed with itself.

It’s at EIGHTY PERCENT. That’s like a B MINUS.

Get over yourself, iPhone!

Ketchup Mouse

The other day I was getting some ketchup from my condiment drawer–

What? You don’t have a condiment drawer? What do you do with your ketchup packets then?

Anyways…. I noticed that all my ketchup packets had little holes, like something had been CHEWING on them.

Could there be mice in the house? Oh surely not!

We have not one, but TWO cats in the house! How could a mouse dare to come and nibble my ketchup packets? I showed my husband, and he bought a mousetrap.

I threw away the condiments and set a trap in the drawer…

The next morning, my husband checked the drawer and sent me this:

Goodbye, Ketchup Mouse…

Yesterday I tried to dress up

On Sunday I decided to try to really look nice for church.

I usually wear a skirt to church, out of tradition, but there’s the ever-present problem of my legs. Normally skirts are designed to showcase pretty legs, but those are not the kind of legs I have. My legs are not only shaped like chubby tree trunks, but they are also very white.

As in, they are so white that my bare legs could blind a person if they caught the sunlight just right. This is especially true in the winter, although they are only marginally better in summer.

The solution, of course, is to somehow cover the offending area. I truly hate pantyhose, so usually I try to wear leggings with skirts, or wear skirts long enough that only my ankles will show.

But I do have some really nice shorter dresses that I’d like to wear, and I decided that Sunday was the day.

I got my pretty dress out of the closet, a black floral number with a cute keyhole cutout at the neckline. I put on the dreaded pantyhose, and for good measure I added the–ahem–foundational garments that make me look slimmer.

I was looking pretty good, I thought.

Except that I could not bend over. And sitting down was uncomfortable. And I did not DARE drink anything all morning, because going to the bathroom was seriously out of the question.

But hey. Beauty is pain, right?

My plan was to wear this outfit just for church and then immediately change into something else afterwards. I figured I could even hang the dress back up without having to put it in the laundry.

But… we went out to lunch after church. And I had the pasta.

You can guess what happened. Pasta on the the dress.

And one errant noodle lost completely down the cute keyhole cutout at the neckline.

You can dress me up, but you can’t take me out!

Tik Tok Dump Cake

My oldest daughter, age 24. called me from her apartment and asked what I was doing.

“I’m making a dump cake from a recipe I saw on Tik Tok,” I said.

She paused. “I have a lot of problems with that sentence, Mom. For one thing, DUMP CAKE?! And remember, we’ve talked about how parents aren’t supposed to get on apps like Tik Tok or Snapchat. You guys already ruined Facebook.”

I don’t deny the truth of any of this. Facebook has become decidedly uncool. I like it that way.

I told her about this Tik Tok video that came up on my Certified Uncool Facebook. “DON’T MIX IT!”

“So I’m just dumping in a bunch of ingredients and then not mixing them, ” I explained.

“That sounds really suspicious, Mom,” she said.

I layered: Crushed graham crackers, Cream cheese, Cherry Pie filling, White cake mix, and 1 1/2 stick of butter (sliced thin).

(“I really think you should mix it,” my daughter said. “But the recipe said not to, ” I countered.)

You bake it at 350 for 45 minutes.

It came out okay, but it didn’t taste as good as it had looked in the video.

Oh well. I’m off to wreck Snapchat for everyone now….

I got new shoes…

...and they are ugly.

My friends were telling me about these super comfortable shoes called “oofoos,” which honestly sounded made-up to me. I looked them up (Surprise! They are real!) and decided to try a pair.

I have to tell you, these are the most comfortable shoes I’ve ever tried on.

And they are SO ugly!

But, luckily, I am at that stage of life where comfort is much more important than beauty.

That stage is called “I’m An Old Lady Now.”

Happy New Year 2021

On the first Sunday morning of the new year, I was going to church with my family.

Right away we seemed to run into trouble. When we got there, the church building was shuttered and the parking lot empty. Apparently, the service was online only that day. You know, because of COVID.

So we put plan B into action: Let’s go out to lunch together!

Unfortunately, due to a Emergency General Order issued by the command of our local Army post, my husband (as an active duty soldier) is not allowed to eat inside restaurants. You know, because of COVID.

He can, however, eat on a patio, if the restaurant offers uncovered outdoor seating.

Which is how we ended up sitting next to a busy road outside the local pizza joint today, freezing to death.

Because, OF COURSE, no one had brought a jacket to church. Except my husband. Who, as an Eagle Scout, is ALWAYS prepared.

Anyways, so we enjoyed a lovely lunch al fresco.

In January.

You know, because of COVID.

Happy New Year, everyone!