Buttons I wish I had on the GPS

FEATURE #1. This route ain’t gonna fly, cowboy. Give it up.

gps1You know how sometimes a certain route has been blocked by a traffic jam, or a closed road, or maybe your ex on a rampage, but your GPS won’t accept that you can’t go that way? It just keeps saying “Recalculating. Make a U-turn when appropriate.”

Or “Recalculating. Make a right. Make a right. Make a right.” ACK! I just went in a circle! Stop trying to force me to take that road, electronic voice!!

I want to press a button that says, “Recalculate THAT!! We CAN’T GO THIS WAY!!!”

FEATURE #2. This road is dead to me.gps2

Sometimes there are roads I hate permanently. I don’t want to go on them if I can help it. EVER.

Like 280 in Birmingham. (Sorry to everyone not from Alabama who doesn’t understand what I mean. That road sucks.)

So if I could enable this feature, the GPS would always take me another way. Or, if it was unavoidable, it could say, “Sorry, but you must disable the Dead To You Road in order to reach this destination.”

So at least I’d know it TRIED to avoid the hated route. You know?

FEATURE #3. Can I get a little sympathy here?


I really hate it when I keep missing turns or whatever and the electronic lady starts to sound both annoyed and patronizing.

I mean, I know that all she really says is, “Recalculating,” but she has a TONE.

I’d like for her to start to sympathize with me. Maybe she could say, “I’m sorry; you seem to be having trouble. Don’t worry. I’ll help you.”

Or she could dispense a little emergency square of chocolate and say, “It’s all right. You’ll get there eventually. No one will mind if you’re a little late. Have some candy; you’ll feel better.”

I definitely think these buttons would enhance my experience with the GPS. Don’t you agree?

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