On Sunday I decided to try to really look nice for church.
I usually wear a skirt to church, out of tradition, but there’s the ever-present problem of my legs. Normally skirts are designed to showcase pretty legs, but those are not the kind of legs I have. My legs are not only shaped like chubby tree trunks, but they are also very white.
As in, they are so white that my bare legs could blind a person if they caught the sunlight just right. This is especially true in the winter, although they are only marginally better in summer.
The solution, of course, is to somehow cover the offending area. I truly hate pantyhose, so usually I try to wear leggings with skirts, or wear skirts long enough that only my ankles will show.
But I do have some really nice shorter dresses that I’d like to wear, and I decided that Sunday was the day.
I got my pretty dress out of the closet, a black floral number with a cute keyhole cutout at the neckline. I put on the dreaded pantyhose, and for good measure I added the–ahem–foundational garments that make me look slimmer.
I was looking pretty good, I thought.
Except that I could not bend over. And sitting down was uncomfortable. And I did not DARE drink anything all morning, because going to the bathroom was seriously out of the question.
But hey. Beauty is pain, right?
My plan was to wear this outfit just for church and then immediately change into something else afterwards. I figured I could even hang the dress back up without having to put it in the laundry.
But… we went out to lunch after church. And I had the pasta.
You can guess what happened. Pasta on the the dress.
And one errant noodle lost completely down the cute keyhole cutout at the neckline.
You can dress me up, but you can’t take me out!