I Hate Homework

Little Boy is in eighth grade right now. I saw that he had recently googled “Why does homework exist?”

Although I understand these (honestly kind of preachy) answers given on Google, and of course I told my son that homework is good for him…. and he should DEFINITELY do his homework….

I don’t like homework any more than he does!

I ESPECIALLY don’t like it when I don’t know how to DO it!

Recently he had to study a bunch of equations on calculating the half-life of radioactive elements for his science class. I was lost, so we face-timed his dad, who is out of town for work right now.

That face perfectly describes how I feel about this homework assignment.

Seriously! Did I mention this kid is in EIGHTH GRADE?!?!

Why does homework exist again?

I’m still not the cool mom

I recently downloaded some old-school Taylor Swift to my Spotify playlist and I was listening to it and singing along when I picked up the twins from the middle school.

In the passenger seat, Little Girl rolled her eyes and popped in her ear buds.

In the back seat I could hear Little Boy telling himself, “Remember, it’s not polite to criticize other people’s music choices….”

I thought: Number one, it’s good he’s learning how to be polite.

And, number two, I am SOOOOO uncool.

Updated: 29 September

I was again listening to my Spotify in the kitchen when Little Boy came in from outside. It was playing “Life Goes On” by Oliver Tree.

He said, “Oh this is a cool song!”

Then he paused. “Wait, is this on YOUR Spotify, Mom?” he asked incredulously, shaking his head in amazement.

AAAAND… I’m STILL uncool….

Ketchup Mouse

The other day I was getting some ketchup from my condiment drawer–

What? You don’t have a condiment drawer? What do you do with your ketchup packets then?

Anyways…. I noticed that all my ketchup packets had little holes, like something had been CHEWING on them.

Could there be mice in the house? Oh surely not!

We have not one, but TWO cats in the house! How could a mouse dare to come and nibble my ketchup packets? I showed my husband, and he bought a mousetrap.

I threw away the condiments and set a trap in the drawer…

The next morning, my husband checked the drawer and sent me this:

Goodbye, Ketchup Mouse…

Yesterday I tried to dress up

On Sunday I decided to try to really look nice for church.

I usually wear a skirt to church, out of tradition, but there’s the ever-present problem of my legs. Normally skirts are designed to showcase pretty legs, but those are not the kind of legs I have. My legs are not only shaped like chubby tree trunks, but they are also very white.

As in, they are so white that my bare legs could blind a person if they caught the sunlight just right. This is especially true in the winter, although they are only marginally better in summer.

The solution, of course, is to somehow cover the offending area. I truly hate pantyhose, so usually I try to wear leggings with skirts, or wear skirts long enough that only my ankles will show.

But I do have some really nice shorter dresses that I’d like to wear, and I decided that Sunday was the day.

I got my pretty dress out of the closet, a black floral number with a cute keyhole cutout at the neckline. I put on the dreaded pantyhose, and for good measure I added the–ahem–foundational garments that make me look slimmer.

I was looking pretty good, I thought.

Except that I could not bend over. And sitting down was uncomfortable. And I did not DARE drink anything all morning, because going to the bathroom was seriously out of the question.

But hey. Beauty is pain, right?

My plan was to wear this outfit just for church and then immediately change into something else afterwards. I figured I could even hang the dress back up without having to put it in the laundry.

But… we went out to lunch after church. And I had the pasta.

You can guess what happened. Pasta on the the dress.

And one errant noodle lost completely down the cute keyhole cutout at the neckline.

You can dress me up, but you can’t take me out!

Tik Tok Dump Cake

My oldest daughter, age 24. called me from her apartment and asked what I was doing.

“I’m making a dump cake from a recipe I saw on Tik Tok,” I said.

She paused. “I have a lot of problems with that sentence, Mom. For one thing, DUMP CAKE?! And remember, we’ve talked about how parents aren’t supposed to get on apps like Tik Tok or Snapchat. You guys already ruined Facebook.”

I don’t deny the truth of any of this. Facebook has become decidedly uncool. I like it that way.

I told her about this Tik Tok video that came up on my Certified Uncool Facebook. “DON’T MIX IT!”

“So I’m just dumping in a bunch of ingredients and then not mixing them, ” I explained.

“That sounds really suspicious, Mom,” she said.

I layered: Crushed graham crackers, Cream cheese, Cherry Pie filling, White cake mix, and 1 1/2 stick of butter (sliced thin).

(“I really think you should mix it,” my daughter said. “But the recipe said not to, ” I countered.)

You bake it at 350 for 45 minutes.

It came out okay, but it didn’t taste as good as it had looked in the video.

Oh well. I’m off to wreck Snapchat for everyone now….

I got new shoes…

...and they are ugly.

My friends were telling me about these super comfortable shoes called “oofoos,” which honestly sounded made-up to me. I looked them up (Surprise! They are real!) and decided to try a pair.

I have to tell you, these are the most comfortable shoes I’ve ever tried on.

And they are SO ugly!

But, luckily, I am at that stage of life where comfort is much more important than beauty.

That stage is called “I’m An Old Lady Now.”